"I'd rather see you up, than see you down"

 it was called JR's.

my first night, 

I met and talked with a table of three butches

each with at least 20 years on me

I remember one of them noticed my Justins, complimented me on their care 

my first night,

I danced with a boy

underage like me

I remember he wore a thin red flannel shirt, smelled like spearmint, and said he took the Greyhound most weekends, 3-hour round trip

my first night,

all queens were working

giving away shots in test tubes

I remember being called "baby" and "sweetheart" so many times, and how it felt like home.

my first night,

stepping out for some air

around the side of the building with the smokers (I didn't, yet)

I remember the feel of my hand on my knife in my pocket, just in case

my first night,

staying until close

riding back in Walter's car, windows down

an early morning line cook shift awaiting me,

tired and wired

and as far as I ever heard

nobody died that night,

my first night